He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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