dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
