I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
