Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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