yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize