Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
