When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
