spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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