That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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