i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
