$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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