You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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