Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
