Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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