She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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