Someone shit on the floor
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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