I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
