She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
