My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
