I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
