i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
