Kiss
Puke
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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