...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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