There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
