Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
