I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
