I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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