omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
