im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i out mim tonsoeep
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