I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize