This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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