did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
