The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My feet surprised me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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