Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
