can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
