why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
