don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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