two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize