i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
