He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
