Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
