Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
