Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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