This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
