This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
