Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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