When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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