Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
