Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
