I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
