fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
