Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
