last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
