so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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