remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
