I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
