omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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