Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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