Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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