I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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