So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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