he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize